“I Thought I Trusted Myself…Until I Became a Mother”
By: Lauren Gouveia, LCSW
I’ve been meditating almost every day since I was 22.
I’ve trained my mind to slow down. I’ve tracked my breath through anxiety, grief, and growth. I’ve sat through hundreds of hours in stillness, witnessing myself with deep trust and compassion.
And then I had my daughter.
And all of that certainty—of knowing how to return to myself, how to trust my body, how to hear my inner wisdom—suddenly felt fragile. I found myself doing something I had long taught others not to do: obsessively Googling, reading parenting books late into the night, second-guessing my every decision, trying to do it “right.”
In this age of endless parenting information, we are more “informed” than ever—yet more disconnected from ourselves and our children.
The Myth of the Perfect Parent
Social media, online forums, expert blogs, and parenting podcasts have created an impossible illusion: that there is one perfect way to parent. And if we don’t follow it precisely, we’re failing our children.
This pressure to be the “perfect parent” pulls us away from the very source of wisdom we need most—our own bodies, our own inner knowing. It hijacks us from the present moment, from our children, and replaces our intuition with doubt.
We end up stuck in a cycle of anxiety:
We doubt ourselves →
We search outside ourselves →
We become overwhelmed →
We disconnect from our child →
We feel guilt →
We repeat.
This is not the flow state of parenting we imagined. It’s survival mode. And it’s not your fault—it’s the byproduct of an overstimulating culture that prioritizes performance over presence.
You Are the Expert of Your Child
Here’s what I want every parent to hear:
There is no one-size-fits-all parenting approach. Your child is not a textbook.
Only you are the expert of your child. And the more you can return to yourself, the more clearly you can see them for who they really are.
This means learning to trust your body again—to notice how you feel when you say “yes” or “no,” when your child cries, when something doesn’t sit right. It means learning to listen to the subtle signals, the instincts that say, “This isn’t about them—it’s about me.”
And yes, sometimes it means doing the deep and tender work of healing your own childhood wounds, so you don’t unintentionally project them onto your child.
What Helps Us Get There?
Two tools have anchored me as both a parent and a therapist:
Meditation – Not to escape, but to return. Daily meditation, even for five minutes, has helped me feel the difference between fear and intuition. It’s made space for curiosity instead of control.
Somatic Practices – Grounding techniques, breathwork, body scanning—all of these help me get out of my head and into my body, where the real knowing lives. They’ve helped me co-regulate with my child during hard moments and feel proud of my ability to stay present instead of reactive.
The Takeaway
If you’re a parent who’s feeling anxious, disconnected, or like you’re constantly searching for answers—pause.
You already have what you need inside of you.
Your body holds deep intelligence. Your heart holds empathy. Your mind, when cleared of noise, is profoundly wise. Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.
You don’t need to parent like anyone else. You need to parent like you.
With self-trust. With inner calm. With the courage to turn inward, again and again.
And if you’ve never been taught how to do that, it’s okay. It’s never too late to start.
Reach out to lauren@holdinghousecounseling.com for resources for skills to returning to the self-rather than continuing the cycle of unnecessary mom-guilt. You deserve to feel good.